Valbowski in Law
Couple things today. Apparently, some of the words in these posts are appearing as links. Well, they're not links, as some of you may have realized. That is a virus on my computer that somehow transfers onto these posts. So, ignore it when words such as "basket" or "internet" appear as links.
Recently, a discussion has taken place regarding Morgan Spurlock and his documentary "Super Size Me." In the film, Spurlock eats McDonalds three times a day for an entire month. The results are disgusting and revolting, and needless to say I left there craving a double cheeseburger as much as I ever had. Turns out Spurlock will host his own TV show for FX titled "30 Days," in which Spurlock will examine what a person can put himself through in a month. The show premieres June 15.
So the question arose: what restaurant would do the most damage to a person if you ate there three times daily for an entire month. Initially, Mexican food, specifically giant burritos, was the trendy pick. Imagine eating three Chipotle (a McDonalds franchise I might add) burritos every day for a month. That would do some damage. However, that damage would be minimal compared to a diet consisting exclusively of Pineida burritos. These foot-long giants include two meat choices, beans, rice and "all the fixings," and are wrapped in two--yes two--12-inch tortillas. I myself needed every ounce of motivation and gusto to take one of those down in one sitting, and it certainly could provide a day's worth of meals. THAT would be a rough month. Not to mention the spices that exist in the burritos and the gaseous outbreaks that certainly would occur.
There are other restaurant options, such as a Mediterranean place (maybe Little Chef) specializing in pita breads, lamb meat and tzatziki sauces. American foods also would be tough to handle, and Buffalo Wild Wings has enough spices to tame the strongest of food experimentists. Thai food would be tough to handle, and Indian food would be near impossible to digest. Other fast food places would pack a punch, such as Taco Bell, White Castle or Culver's and their butter burgers.
But the worst type of restaurant to be stuck at for a month would undoubtedly be a buffet. And Old Country Buffet would get it done. Imagine packing in all those mashed potatoes, fresh meat cuts, and ice cream sundaes. OH MY GOD. But OCB doesn't even compare to the torture that would exist inside your torso after eating at a Chinese buffet for 30 days. Think about it: is there anything at a Chinese buffet that doesn't upset your stomach anyway? All the grease, the thick sauces, the flavors, the cream cheese wontons. I think you would probably die. If anybody thinks they can come up with a worse situation than a Chinese buffet, I would like to know.
I think I might try to start a couple running segments. We'll see how they pan out. One idea I'm certain will be able to hold up as long as this thing is up and running. We'll call it "Conor's Clutch Cargo Move of the Day." And we'll start it off with a real doozy.
Conor has spent the last few days in Philadelphia with the crew team. Last night, he called me asking for me to pick him up at the airport the following day, around 12:30. "A.M. or P.M.?" I asked him. "P.M." "Okay," I said. "I'll be there." So, at 12:30 p.m. sharp this afternoon, Adam and I found ourselves wandering the corridors of the Humphry Terminal, wondering where Conor was. We found a flight from Philly arriving at 1:10, and we thought maybe that would be the Condor. When he was nowhere to be found, we became worried. So we placed a call. "Hey man, where are you?"
"I'm still in Philly."
"Oh. I thought you said your flight was getting in at 12:30."
"Yeah, p.m."
"It is p.m."
.....
"Yeah but I meant at nigh--oh shit."
CLASSIC.
The other segment I'd like to introduce I'll call "The Ultimate Bitch Move of a Lifetime." This idea came up when Adam and I were sitting at a stoplight, in the left lane, behind one car. As the light was about to turn, the car flipped on its left turn signal, giving us no warning of his upcoming turn or opportunity to switch lanes. Ultimate Bitch Move. Hopefully I'll encounter these often enough to continue relaying them to you. That's all for today.
Recently, a discussion has taken place regarding Morgan Spurlock and his documentary "Super Size Me." In the film, Spurlock eats McDonalds three times a day for an entire month. The results are disgusting and revolting, and needless to say I left there craving a double cheeseburger as much as I ever had. Turns out Spurlock will host his own TV show for FX titled "30 Days," in which Spurlock will examine what a person can put himself through in a month. The show premieres June 15.
So the question arose: what restaurant would do the most damage to a person if you ate there three times daily for an entire month. Initially, Mexican food, specifically giant burritos, was the trendy pick. Imagine eating three Chipotle (a McDonalds franchise I might add) burritos every day for a month. That would do some damage. However, that damage would be minimal compared to a diet consisting exclusively of Pineida burritos. These foot-long giants include two meat choices, beans, rice and "all the fixings," and are wrapped in two--yes two--12-inch tortillas. I myself needed every ounce of motivation and gusto to take one of those down in one sitting, and it certainly could provide a day's worth of meals. THAT would be a rough month. Not to mention the spices that exist in the burritos and the gaseous outbreaks that certainly would occur.
There are other restaurant options, such as a Mediterranean place (maybe Little Chef) specializing in pita breads, lamb meat and tzatziki sauces. American foods also would be tough to handle, and Buffalo Wild Wings has enough spices to tame the strongest of food experimentists. Thai food would be tough to handle, and Indian food would be near impossible to digest. Other fast food places would pack a punch, such as Taco Bell, White Castle or Culver's and their butter burgers.
But the worst type of restaurant to be stuck at for a month would undoubtedly be a buffet. And Old Country Buffet would get it done. Imagine packing in all those mashed potatoes, fresh meat cuts, and ice cream sundaes. OH MY GOD. But OCB doesn't even compare to the torture that would exist inside your torso after eating at a Chinese buffet for 30 days. Think about it: is there anything at a Chinese buffet that doesn't upset your stomach anyway? All the grease, the thick sauces, the flavors, the cream cheese wontons. I think you would probably die. If anybody thinks they can come up with a worse situation than a Chinese buffet, I would like to know.
I think I might try to start a couple running segments. We'll see how they pan out. One idea I'm certain will be able to hold up as long as this thing is up and running. We'll call it "Conor's Clutch Cargo Move of the Day." And we'll start it off with a real doozy.
Conor has spent the last few days in Philadelphia with the crew team. Last night, he called me asking for me to pick him up at the airport the following day, around 12:30. "A.M. or P.M.?" I asked him. "P.M." "Okay," I said. "I'll be there." So, at 12:30 p.m. sharp this afternoon, Adam and I found ourselves wandering the corridors of the Humphry Terminal, wondering where Conor was. We found a flight from Philly arriving at 1:10, and we thought maybe that would be the Condor. When he was nowhere to be found, we became worried. So we placed a call. "Hey man, where are you?"
"I'm still in Philly."
"Oh. I thought you said your flight was getting in at 12:30."
"Yeah, p.m."
"It is p.m."
.....
"Yeah but I meant at nigh--oh shit."
CLASSIC.
The other segment I'd like to introduce I'll call "The Ultimate Bitch Move of a Lifetime." This idea came up when Adam and I were sitting at a stoplight, in the left lane, behind one car. As the light was about to turn, the car flipped on its left turn signal, giving us no warning of his upcoming turn or opportunity to switch lanes. Ultimate Bitch Move. Hopefully I'll encounter these often enough to continue relaying them to you. That's all for today.
posted by Kristie at 7:18 PM
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