Here It Is: The Annual 100

Before I get to the list, I thought I could help all of you who about this time of year start to feel a little stressed out. I was recently presented with a cure, and I would like to share it with everyone.

Now that you all know how you can de-stress, let's get to the goods. Well, a couple more things.

If you're bored, here's an activity. Sit outside, in a well-traversed area, and watch the faces of runners as they go by. Quite entertaining actually, and it looks like a lot of people need to quit trying to be runners and start a career in facial-expression-shirt modeling. You know, those ones with the yellow faces that illustrate a myriad of emotions? Models for those. I mean, there are hand models, right?

A couple TV shows to recommend: If you're looking for an hour of pure entertainment, and also want to reassure yourself that you are indeed sane, check out Bravo's "Blow Out." It follows hairstylist Johnathon Anton and his Beverly Hills salons, and the guy is a complete whack job. It's on Tuesday nights at 8 and re-run constantly. If you're looking for an hour of social commentary and a glimpse at closet bigotry in the U.S., look into FX's "Black. White." The concept has been tried before: a white family and black family get plastered in makeup to disguise themselves as members of the opposite race. You won't believe some of the things that the white dad, Bruno, has to say. Wednesday nights at 9.

A few quick songs to check out that are too recent to make the top 100:

"The Great Salt Lake," Band of Horses
"European Oils," Destroyer
"Yeah Yeah Yeah Song," The Flaming Lips
"Crazy," Gnarles Barkley
"Maple Leaves (7" Version)," Jens Lekman
"Era Prison," The Joggers
"Hold On, Hold On," Neko Case
"Incense and Candles," Prince
"This Scene Is Dead," We Are Scientists

Now is the time. My 100 favorite songs of all time. I used to call it the 100 greatest songs of all time, but I'm not sure if I can call it that.

100. "Politik," Coldplay
99. "Stars of Track and Field," Belle & Sebastian
98. "Me and Mia," Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
97. "Please Please Me," The Beatles
96. "Lullabye," Ben Folds Five
95. "Wishful Thinking," Wilco
94. "Every Day I Write the Book," Elvis Costello
93. "Birdhouse In Your Soul," They Might Be Giants
92. "Une Annee Sans Lumiere," The Arcade Fire
91. "Your Little Hoodrat Friend," The Hold Steady
90. "Jeremy," Pearl Jam
89. "I Don't Know What It Is," Rufus Wainwright
88. "Debra," Beck
87. "Little Red Corvette," Prince
86. "Faithful," Common
85. "Sweetness Follows," R.E.M.
84. "Sir Duke," Stevie Wonder
83. "No Surprises," Radiohead
82. "Tymps (The Sick In the Head Song)," Fiona Apple
81. "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter In A Small Town," Pearl Jam
80. "Ten Minutes," The Get Up Kids
79. "Yesterday," The Beatles
78. "Jesus, Etc.," Wilco
77. "7," Prince
76. "I Believe When I Fall In Love (It Will Be Forever)," Stevie Wonder
75. "Long Goodnight," The Get Up Kids
74. "I'm Waiting For the Day," The Beach Boys
73. "Your Song," Elton John
72. "Born To Run," Bruce Springsteen
71. "Elternal Flame," The Bangles
70. "Out of Reach," The Get Up Kids
69. "Pounding," The Doves
68. "With Or Without You," U2
67. "More Than This," Roxy Music
66. "Outta My Head," Fastball
65. "Scottish Fiction," Idlewild
64. "Letter From An Occupant," The New Pornographers
63. "I Would Die 4 U," Prince
62. "On the Table," A.C. Newman
61. "Mass Pike," The Get Up Kids
60. "The Luckiest," Ben Folds
59. "The Dreaming Tree," Dave Matthews Band
58. "Rebellion (Lies)," The Arcade Fire
57. "Good Vibrations," Brian Wilson
56. "We Major," Kanye West
55. "Casimir Pulaski Day," Sufjan Stevens
54. "Pig," Dave Matthews Band
53. "Wonderful," Brian Wilson
52. "Billie Jean," Michael Jackson
51. "Stairway To Heaven," Led Zeppelin
50. "Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End," The Beatles
49. "A Kiss At the End of the Rainbow," Mitch and Mickey
48. "For Once In My Life," Stevie Wonder
47. "Where the Streets Have No Name," U2
46. "Jane," Ben Folds Five
45. "Let Down," Radiohead
44. "Gone," Kanye West
43. "Wanna Be Startin' Something," Michael Jackson
42. "Use It," The New Pornographers
41. "Everybody Hurts," R.E.M.
40. "Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)," The Beatles
39. "2+2=5," Radiohead
38. "Army," Ben Folds Five
37. "Blizzard of '77," Nada Surf
36. "John Wayne Gacy, Jr.," Sufjan Stevens
35. "Neighborhood #4 (7 Kettles)," The Arcade Fire
34. "Falling," Ben Kweller
33. "Step Into My Office Baby," Belle & Sebastian
32. "Still," Elvis Costello
31. "Surf's Up," Brian Wilson
30. "Pantala Naga Pampa/Rapunzel," Dave Matthews Band
29. "Do You Realize?" The Flaming Lips
28. "You Still Believe In Me," The Beach Boys
27. "Lately," Stevie Wonder
26. "Hey Ya!" Outkast
25. "As," Stevie Wonder
24. "Human Nature," Michael Jackson
23. "Crown of Love," The Arcade Fire
22. "Wouldn't It Be Nice," The Beach Boys
21. "Life On Mars," David Bowie
20. "Here, There and Everywhere," The Beatles
19. "The Way You Wear Your Head," Nada Surf
18. "I'll Catch You," The Get Up Kids
17. "The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us," Sufjan Stevens
16. "At the Stars," Better Than Ezra
15. "The Stone," Dave Matthews Band
14. "The Beautiful Ones," Prince
13. "One," U2
12. "Purple Rain," Prince
11. "Caroline, No," The Beach Boys
10. "Don't Change Your Plans," Ben Folds Five
9. "Fake Plastic Trees," Radiohead
8. "The Last Stop," Dave Matthews Band
7. "Poor Places," Wilco
6. "In the Backseat," The Arcade Fire
5. "Anne Arbour," The Get Up Kids
4. "Paranoid Android," Radiohead
3. "Anna Stesia," Prince
2. "God Only Knows," The Beach Boys
1. "#41," Dave Matthews Band


Some pretty heavy changeover this year. I'm not sure how long DMB can hold off the competition. Case in point: according to my iPod, I've played 4 times in the last 7 months. In contrast, "God Only Knows" stands at 11. Watch for joggers.

96 hours of glory

Picture this: I'm sitting on my living room couch typing this, and in front of me I have 4 TVs. To the far left, Chief is playing Ninja Gaiden on Nintendo. We can't beat level 4-1, if anyone wants to help. On the main TV, we just finished watching Alabama beat Marquette in the first round of the NCAA tournament. To my right, there are two TVs stacked on top of each other. The top one is on ESPN at all times, to catch highlights of other games and sports, and the bottom one is reserved for Playstation 2/Xbox/movies. In the center of all this is our coffee table, covered with all the amenities I plan on needing this weekend. (Yes, I consider this the weekend). On the table we have dozens of Nintendo games (the ones we've taken out of the boxfull below the table), four-to-five remote controls, pistachios, spice drops, a few bags of chips, salsa, salsa con queso, Mountain Dew, trail mix and pita chips. It's a nice array. Not to mention the 50 cans of Dew we have in the fridge and the 25-30 frozen burritos in the freezer. I don't plan on moving that much this weekend. (Yes, I consider this the weekend).

I've decided, after much deliberation, that my favorite office product is the staple remover. Often forgotten about, but never disappointing. It just comes through when you need it.

In my days at the Gopher Express convenience store and the Coffman Memorial Union Post Office, I've heard some dumb questions. "Do you sell stamps here?" "Can I mail a package?" "Why don't you shave more consistently?" But this week I heard the ultimate. A kid cautiously approached me, Little Debbie in hand, and meekly asked "Do you guys accept cash?" And I hate people that assume that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Like yesterday, I had a guy who tallied a bill of $1.06. He couldn't find a nickel, so he gave me $1.11. Then he says, "Here, I'll just give you $1.11 and you can give me a nickel back." Are you sure? Because usually I don't give change. And also, we don't accept cash.

I realized this week that two of the country's big questions have the same answer. Question 1: why is the country as a whole becoming fatter? Question 2: How is the economy thriving? The answer to both, I learned in a four-hour shift at the Gopher Express, is high school students. High school students invaded the union for some French competition, and proceeded to spend every penny they had on junk food and more junk food. Kids were spending ten bucks on candy bars, emptying our selection of Hot Pockets, and giving me a headache I hadn't felt in a long time.

Along the same lines, I heard a term this week I hadn't previously heard, and don't really want to become common: advanced obesity. It was brought up by a study done that showed that people who have their stomach stapled have a lesser risk of heart disease. Super. But "advanced obesity" sounds like it's something to strive for. If I see someone has completed "advanced Judo," I figure that's a pretty good thing. They're good at judo. But do we want to be pumping up obesity so that people strive to be advanced at it? Shouldn't we discourage people from wanting to be obese by giving it a harsher term, like maybe "near-death obesity?" Or how about "On-the-brink obesity?"

Last weekend I saw my first show since my return from Europe, a solid double bill of the New Pornographers and Belle & Sebastian. These are two fun bands, one Canadian and one Scottish, and are worth a listen. That's all I'll say about that.

I had my first full cup of coffee yesterday, simply because Starbucks had a "National Coffee Break Day" promotion where they gave away free cups. I had never had as much as two sips of coffee before downing my Grande Fair Trade. This proves the point that when Americans see or hear the word "free," no matter what it is, we will flock to it.

I'm alive

I think there should be a few, simple rules (not for dating my daughter) that everybody should live by. They came to me this afternoon at the local Great Clips. I'm inserting them into my life, and I am strongly recommending you do so as well. Number one. When I go to get my hair cut, if I'm creeped out by the stylists' haircuts, I'm leaving. I'm not sure how I'll pull it off. "Welcome to Great Clips, would you like a haircut today?" "Umm...you know, I guess I don't...really...need a...haircut today." Just walk away. Don't give them an opportunity to guilt you into getting a cut. This all came about because today I got my hair cut by a woman who still had middle-schoolish, out of control, heavily-rolled bangs. If you're having trouble picturing this look, just think of EVERY GIRL YOU WENT TO MIDDLE SCHOOL WITH. The next time I run into the big bang theory in Great Clips, I'm outta there. This can be applied laterally. Hence, if I'm getting my teeth cleaned by Grilly McGrillerson, the checkup is OVER. It's not that hard of a concept. The second rule is also easy, and should be applied in all facets of life. If you are somewhere where the people look like they just came out of either an NFL tailgate lot or a bass fishing tournament, and you're not at an NFL tailgate lot or a bass fishing tournament, split. You are the outcast.

Here's another thing I hate. Forced conversations between me and the person cutting my hair. Here is, word for word, how it went today.

"So did you have the day off Nils?"

Let me interrupt. She (Sabrina) ended every sentence with my name. I get it. You're trying to be personal. You know my name. Stop saying it.

"No I just got done with classes. I go to the U."

"Oh, what are you taking Nils?"

First of all, what does that even mean? Am I supposed to rattle off my entire class list? These are the questions you get from people who went to beauty school, sucked, and ended up at Great Clips.

"I'm studying journalism."

"Oh. Always a chance there. There's always going to be something there."

(Speechless)

Five minutes later.

"So do you live around here, Nils?"

"Yeah."

"Oh!"

God do I hate that.

Other things I hate. I hate when you're watching TV with someone else and he has control of the clicker (remote control for the lay person), and then that person leaves the room and you're left sitting on the other couch, with no way to change the channel. I HATE THAT.

People who don't claim their farts. It's natural, just admit it. Especially when they're good. Or in elevators.

People who are really good at things I'm not good at.

People who won't order pizza on a whim with me.

Don't be those people.