Thursday, March 16, 2006

96 hours of glory

Picture this: I'm sitting on my living room couch typing this, and in front of me I have 4 TVs. To the far left, Chief is playing Ninja Gaiden on Nintendo. We can't beat level 4-1, if anyone wants to help. On the main TV, we just finished watching Alabama beat Marquette in the first round of the NCAA tournament. To my right, there are two TVs stacked on top of each other. The top one is on ESPN at all times, to catch highlights of other games and sports, and the bottom one is reserved for Playstation 2/Xbox/movies. In the center of all this is our coffee table, covered with all the amenities I plan on needing this weekend. (Yes, I consider this the weekend). On the table we have dozens of Nintendo games (the ones we've taken out of the boxfull below the table), four-to-five remote controls, pistachios, spice drops, a few bags of chips, salsa, salsa con queso, Mountain Dew, trail mix and pita chips. It's a nice array. Not to mention the 50 cans of Dew we have in the fridge and the 25-30 frozen burritos in the freezer. I don't plan on moving that much this weekend. (Yes, I consider this the weekend).

I've decided, after much deliberation, that my favorite office product is the staple remover. Often forgotten about, but never disappointing. It just comes through when you need it.

In my days at the Gopher Express convenience store and the Coffman Memorial Union Post Office, I've heard some dumb questions. "Do you sell stamps here?" "Can I mail a package?" "Why don't you shave more consistently?" But this week I heard the ultimate. A kid cautiously approached me, Little Debbie in hand, and meekly asked "Do you guys accept cash?" And I hate people that assume that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Like yesterday, I had a guy who tallied a bill of $1.06. He couldn't find a nickel, so he gave me $1.11. Then he says, "Here, I'll just give you $1.11 and you can give me a nickel back." Are you sure? Because usually I don't give change. And also, we don't accept cash.

I realized this week that two of the country's big questions have the same answer. Question 1: why is the country as a whole becoming fatter? Question 2: How is the economy thriving? The answer to both, I learned in a four-hour shift at the Gopher Express, is high school students. High school students invaded the union for some French competition, and proceeded to spend every penny they had on junk food and more junk food. Kids were spending ten bucks on candy bars, emptying our selection of Hot Pockets, and giving me a headache I hadn't felt in a long time.

Along the same lines, I heard a term this week I hadn't previously heard, and don't really want to become common: advanced obesity. It was brought up by a study done that showed that people who have their stomach stapled have a lesser risk of heart disease. Super. But "advanced obesity" sounds like it's something to strive for. If I see someone has completed "advanced Judo," I figure that's a pretty good thing. They're good at judo. But do we want to be pumping up obesity so that people strive to be advanced at it? Shouldn't we discourage people from wanting to be obese by giving it a harsher term, like maybe "near-death obesity?" Or how about "On-the-brink obesity?"

Last weekend I saw my first show since my return from Europe, a solid double bill of the New Pornographers and Belle & Sebastian. These are two fun bands, one Canadian and one Scottish, and are worth a listen. That's all I'll say about that.

I had my first full cup of coffee yesterday, simply because Starbucks had a "National Coffee Break Day" promotion where they gave away free cups. I had never had as much as two sips of coffee before downing my Grande Fair Trade. This proves the point that when Americans see or hear the word "free," no matter what it is, we will flock to it.

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