Valbowski of Wax
At the end of each semester, it has become tradition for the residents of 1212 Como to add one additional final to the course load: the alcohol final. This final is a written essay noting just how drunk the individual is and what grade he/she deserve for his/her drinking habits throughout the semester. The final, in compilation with a midterm written exam and drinking performances during the year, will determine the final grade. I present to you now the alcohol finals that were turned in last night, Sunday, May 15, 2005, unedited.
Nils Hoeger-Lerdal:
ODE TO DRINKING:
Gilly gilly goo
Gilly gilly gai
I want to have a piece
Of that apple pie
Mookie mookie loo
Mookie mookie low
Tell me how high
Does your garden gros?
Conor's gonna puke
Conor's gonna spew
Watch out for my ass
I'm gettin loo
Snarly snarly peek
Snarly snarly pike
Conor is a douche
And his mom's a dyke
Interrogate my dilsnick
Interrogate my cock
Elliot's dad he works
At Anchor Block
I love Fresca
I love DC Loo
I fart quite a bit
And it smells like poo
I think this final
Might deserve an A
But only if I'm driving
Down Nick-O-Lay
Conor graduated
Elliot got third
Adam sucks his own dick
While squeezing out a turd
I'm gettin LOO
Takin a POO
Susan BOO
Moo goo goo GOO
Jumbo Ding GAI
Micky Liqui LAI
Food I love is THAI
That is my FI-
NAL.
GRADE: B+
Andrew Aleckson:
ODE TO CHEVY
DEEP RIVER!!! MY HOME IS OVER JORDAN
I DESERVE AN A FOR FINALS BECAUSE:
I TELL STORIES AS GOOD AS THE BEAR
CONOR TELLS STORIES THAT HAVE NO POINT
ELLIOT LIKES CHEESE AND KILLING MICE
CONOR IS PUKING
HE IS A BITCH
I HAVE NOTHING
NILS=MAGNA CUMA LAUDE
NILS=MAGNUM CUM LAUDE
CONOR=F.
GRADE=A-
Adam Eberhardt:
Final
It's finals time. E dawg is missing, I'm so fucking drunk. I love my boys, I love them all. I climbed in thru the window. Conor graduated, the bus girl at Muff Dogs was hot. Gina is hot. I'm drunk, this is finals. WHAT!
GRADE: B-
Elliot Esch was incapable of writing a final. Because of that...
GRADE: A
Logan LaPorte did not write a final, nor did he write a midterm. His lack of dedication means...
GRADE: B+
Conor Leonard wrote the most incoherent final of all, but does not want it posted. This all but guarantees it...
GRADE: D-
Luke Stanke felt obligated to write a final of his own, making it his first participation in the event.
here is the essay
lesser forms of the wanted
Dear Great Finalists of the one and only Alcohol Finals.
It is with great intent that I wrte to you for the A final grade. Although I may have missed out on a few midterms, I do not think I deserver any thing lerss than an A on this paper. Why, because I actually know who each of the roommatea are located in the 12th/13th and Como Apartment. To prove it, I will provide word associations for each of the deserving persons located within your household. First and foremost I bring your attention to conor b. Leonoard, not the son of susan b. Anthony, but the sun of Susan Leonard. I once wrote a poem about the relationship of Susan to the rest of the world, however, I can only offer a tribute, a tribute to the greatest poem in the world. I will leave it as a referene to the rest. Nils, he is a man with the great suspiciousn. Conquoring the world with his knowledge of the piano and sports. For that I bring great jealously. Now for Elliot Eshe. He pull vaults. I pole vaulted in HS. That's short for High School. That is our link. Althogh, now, he jumps infinity times higer than I did in the ol; HS, and is a man who can conquer all. As for Mr. Logan, he is the pimpmatic, Nathan Handel is the odd man out, similar in attidutdes, but not the same level of friendship offered between the previous four mentiuoned, which is tragic, however I cannot see the difference between tteh two except for the time spent away from each other and stuff,. PS. Nate is the man, ladies man, take him home to mom, seriously, do that;. I cannot make up for such magic that he brings to the ladies, dispite his size. For this I offer the rest of my essy. I deserve the A because I live with 3 fat girls. Much like chinderella. You could say I am a modern day Cinderella, living with 3 fat girls who sit on the couch all day, imagining thie ideal man, and why they are getting fat., I offer them the answers of they sit and ponder questions all day on the couch, eating food and pretending like they matter in life. In conclusion, I live with 3 fat girls and 1 good friend, any person who can suffer through such an ordeal deserves an A FOR THE FINAL AND FOR AN OVERALL GRADE.
Susan B. Anthony Leonard Rocks,Sincerely,Your Friend, Mr. Luke D. Stanke, Extrodinare, Drunky, Only 1
that is my essay
boom
matic
GRADE: C-
More good stuff coming soon.
Nils Hoeger-Lerdal:
ODE TO DRINKING:
Gilly gilly goo
Gilly gilly gai
I want to have a piece
Of that apple pie
Mookie mookie loo
Mookie mookie low
Tell me how high
Does your garden gros?
Conor's gonna puke
Conor's gonna spew
Watch out for my ass
I'm gettin loo
Snarly snarly peek
Snarly snarly pike
Conor is a douche
And his mom's a dyke
Interrogate my dilsnick
Interrogate my cock
Elliot's dad he works
At Anchor Block
I love Fresca
I love DC Loo
I fart quite a bit
And it smells like poo
I think this final
Might deserve an A
But only if I'm driving
Down Nick-O-Lay
Conor graduated
Elliot got third
Adam sucks his own dick
While squeezing out a turd
I'm gettin LOO
Takin a POO
Susan BOO
Moo goo goo GOO
Jumbo Ding GAI
Micky Liqui LAI
Food I love is THAI
That is my FI-
NAL.
GRADE: B+
Andrew Aleckson:
ODE TO CHEVY
DEEP RIVER!!! MY HOME IS OVER JORDAN
I DESERVE AN A FOR FINALS BECAUSE:
I TELL STORIES AS GOOD AS THE BEAR
CONOR TELLS STORIES THAT HAVE NO POINT
ELLIOT LIKES CHEESE AND KILLING MICE
CONOR IS PUKING
HE IS A BITCH
I HAVE NOTHING
NILS=MAGNA CUMA LAUDE
NILS=MAGNUM CUM LAUDE
CONOR=F.
GRADE=A-
Adam Eberhardt:
Final
It's finals time. E dawg is missing, I'm so fucking drunk. I love my boys, I love them all. I climbed in thru the window. Conor graduated, the bus girl at Muff Dogs was hot. Gina is hot. I'm drunk, this is finals. WHAT!
GRADE: B-
Elliot Esch was incapable of writing a final. Because of that...
GRADE: A
Logan LaPorte did not write a final, nor did he write a midterm. His lack of dedication means...
GRADE: B+
Conor Leonard wrote the most incoherent final of all, but does not want it posted. This all but guarantees it...
GRADE: D-
Luke Stanke felt obligated to write a final of his own, making it his first participation in the event.
here is the essay
lesser forms of the wanted
Dear Great Finalists of the one and only Alcohol Finals.
It is with great intent that I wrte to you for the A final grade. Although I may have missed out on a few midterms, I do not think I deserver any thing lerss than an A on this paper. Why, because I actually know who each of the roommatea are located in the 12th/13th and Como Apartment. To prove it, I will provide word associations for each of the deserving persons located within your household. First and foremost I bring your attention to conor b. Leonoard, not the son of susan b. Anthony, but the sun of Susan Leonard. I once wrote a poem about the relationship of Susan to the rest of the world, however, I can only offer a tribute, a tribute to the greatest poem in the world. I will leave it as a referene to the rest. Nils, he is a man with the great suspiciousn. Conquoring the world with his knowledge of the piano and sports. For that I bring great jealously. Now for Elliot Eshe. He pull vaults. I pole vaulted in HS. That's short for High School. That is our link. Althogh, now, he jumps infinity times higer than I did in the ol; HS, and is a man who can conquer all. As for Mr. Logan, he is the pimpmatic, Nathan Handel is the odd man out, similar in attidutdes, but not the same level of friendship offered between the previous four mentiuoned, which is tragic, however I cannot see the difference between tteh two except for the time spent away from each other and stuff,. PS. Nate is the man, ladies man, take him home to mom, seriously, do that;. I cannot make up for such magic that he brings to the ladies, dispite his size. For this I offer the rest of my essy. I deserve the A because I live with 3 fat girls. Much like chinderella. You could say I am a modern day Cinderella, living with 3 fat girls who sit on the couch all day, imagining thie ideal man, and why they are getting fat., I offer them the answers of they sit and ponder questions all day on the couch, eating food and pretending like they matter in life. In conclusion, I live with 3 fat girls and 1 good friend, any person who can suffer through such an ordeal deserves an A FOR THE FINAL AND FOR AN OVERALL GRADE.
Susan B. Anthony Leonard Rocks,Sincerely,Your Friend, Mr. Luke D. Stanke, Extrodinare, Drunky, Only 1
that is my essay
boom
matic
GRADE: C-
More good stuff coming soon.
posted by Kristie at 6:19 PM
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