It takes being in London to...

In London, you find yourself doing things, trying things that you just wouldn't find yourself doing in the U.S. So, here's a little segment I'll call "It takes being in London to..." Let's give it a shot.

It takes being in London to...buy a medium shirt. That's right, yesterday I bought not one, but two medium sized shirts. That's just the way people wear their clothes here. What's more, I actually tried on a small.

It takes being in London to...appreciate the variety of mustards available at your local grocery store. Variety, in general, is sacrificed. Choices are not encouraged.

It takes being in London to...stumble across "Rugrats" on television, and watch it. Spend six weeks here and you'll understand.

It takes being in London to...question the American phrases of "to go" vs. the British version "take away" or the logic of "restroom" vs. "toilet." The British terms seem weird and stupid, but actually, they might make more sense.

It takes being in London to...appreciate the efficiency of American banking. Via Kristie, I have learned that it might take 2 months for the banks to get your bank card to you. Even when you do receive it, you are not allowed to set up your own pin number. That will be assigned to you by the bank, and mailed four days after you pick your card up. By the way, banks don't answer their phones on Fridays.

It takes being in London to...develop a hatred for washer/dryer combination machines. They are impossible to work, and when you do figure them out, they don't work at all.

It takes being in London to...use words such as "gobsmacked." I don't know what it means, I just use it. When in Rome.

It takes being in London to...yearn for the simple scoring of American sports. Two points for a basket, one point for a run, it's simple. Try looking at the scoring in snooker or cricket. Makes no sense.


Depending on feedback, I might try to include this feature regularly. Anyway, here's what I've been up to this week.

Kristie and I went to a Lebanese restaurant, had some hoummus and smoked a shisha. I highly recommend it, it's very relaxing and fun. Last night we enjoyed a special gallery at the Tate Britain art museum, courtesy of my boss Wendy. As a member, she gets complimentary passes to all the special exhibits at various museums, and she gives them to me. So there we were, two young Americans browsing through the gallery of Degas, Sickert and Toulouse-Lautrec with high society Londoners. We also celebrated my birthday at the Giraffe restaurant, which has global food. Best meal I've had here so far. Tonight, hopefully I will find enough able bodies to spend an enjoyable birthday evening (Kristie is working).

Now, a few things that have been flushing through my brain this week.

You know why you've never heard anyone say "What happens in London stays in London?" That's because nothing ever happens in London. It's fairly innocent.

I think the most underrated horn section of 80's pop music is in Toto's "Rosanna." I don't think it's close. But here are my top 10 underrated horn sections of the 70s-80s in my iPod collection. And yes, "Rosanna" is on my playlist. Don't knock it til you've tried it.

10. "I'll Tumble 4 Ya," Culture Club. Not really that special, it's just prominent. And there's a real dropoff after number 9 on my iPod.
9. "St. Elmo's Fire," John Parr. Outshined only by Parr's voice, which sounds like it's being put through a meat grinder.
8. "Lido Shuffle," Boz Skaggs. OOOH-OOOH-OOH-OOOOOOOOOOHH
7. "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant," Billy Joel. Saxophone solo, it's not great, it's just featured.
6. "Looks Like We Made It," Barry Manilow. Very, very underrated. Sneaks in at the beginning of the tune. Sets the mood. And this is also on my iPod.
5. "Sussudio," Phil Collins. PC could have half a dozen songs on this list, but Sussudio really brings it home.
4. "Careless Whisper," Wham! Not underrated by any means, which is why it can't go higher on this list. Probably the best sax intro in the history of pop music. Seriously, I dare someone, challenge that.
3. "This Christmas," Donny Hathaway. This song has a full horn section, which really boosts the song to a whole new level. I think you should all introduce this song to your family/pastor/priest this December, petition for it to be considered as an official holiday anthem.
2. "Dr. Worm," They Might Be Giants. Prominent throughout the song, the horns give this song a jolt at the end.
1. "Rosanna," Toto. For some reason these horns reming me of Duck Tales. Nevertheless, the buildup they create before the chorus is magical.

In a related note, Barry Manilow's "Can't Smile Without You" has the best whistling intro of any song on my iPod.


I thought I had encountered the worst flavours of crisps London has to offer, but the other day I ran into a bag of Sausage and Ketchup crisps. I think anyone reaching for a bad of those really needs to consider the gaseous consequences and the well-being of those they spend time with.

I recently saw a commercial for one of the most horrific-sounding CDs I can remember. It's titled "Rock Swings," by Paul Anka. He has arranged several pop tunes into his lounge-style crooning. Here's the Amazon link. Have a listen.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/ref=br_ss_hs/102-5973746-3594514?platform=gurupa&url=index%3Dmusic&field-keywords=rock+swings&Go.x=0&Go.y=0

I didn't think there was anything worse than Fox reality TV: Man vs. Beast, Joe Millionaire 2, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee, Date My Dad, Celebrity Boot Camp, you get the idea. This was before I had the pleasure of watching the BBC. But nothing could possibly be worse than "The Mullets." Remember that one?

I just finished becoming the very last person in the world to read "The Da Vinci Code." For me, there's always pressure being "the last one" to do anything. In one sense, I feel forced to like it. In another, I feel like not liking it out of spite for everybody else in the world who loved it. Like when I was the last person to see "Napoleon Dynamite." I wanted to like it, but in another sense I wanted to be the one "cool" guy who didn't. It's a weird phenomenon. Well, "Code" delivered as expected, but I did get a little tired of EVERY chapter having a cliffhanger ending. See, there's that other side of me.

Every once in a while I run into a song that sounds familiar and I think, "hey, we sang that song in high school choir!" It makes you realize how horrible those arrangements were and what disservices they did to the original song. This week's example: Earth, Wind and Fire's "Fantasy."

Here's what I want everybody to do after reading this, out of respect for my sorrows. Go to your fridge, freezer, or nearest grocery store, or gas station, get yourself a bratwurst. And eat it. It's all I want to do right now. It's all I've wanted to do all week. It's probably all I'll want to do for the next 3 months. AND I CAN'T DO IT. You can, so go do it for me.

Who's peekin' out from under a stairway
Calling a name that's lighter than air?
Who's bending down to give me a rainbow?

EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S WINDY

Who's tripping down the streets of the city
Smilin' at everybody she sees?
Who's reachin' out to capture a moment?

EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S WINDY.

and don't you ever forget it.