Trying to smell Thanksgiving cooking across the Atlantic

It really just hit me: I don't get to have Thanksgiving this year. I don't get turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, pumpkin pie--I have to stop there. I mean, I'd known this fact all along, but 24 hours before I would have been eating it was the official breaking point. Not only do I not get to eat the meal, visit with family, or watch football--I HAVE CLASS. I HAVE A PAPER TO WRITE. What a downer. However, CAPA (my "school" here) is not leaving us completely in tears. They have provided "a 3-course, very posh meal," held at the local Holiday Inn. And, staying as close to Americana as possible, it's a buffet. Get your stopwatches out. Ready? My fasting starts...now. Actually, I think I will eat as much as I can until then, expanding my stomach, but throwing up periodically to empty it out. You know, after typing that last sentence, I'll probably fast. This 'posh' buffet is exciting, but the menu is slightly less than desireable. Let's put it this way, nobody's going to leave saying 'boy, those Brits really know how to do Thanksgiving!' Well, I managed to wrangle myself a menu, and it looks like this (have snacks ready, this will make you hungr--well, maybe not):

Starters:

Assorted cold meats. I mean, I usually do open Thanksgiving with some deli ham I guess.
Caeser salad. Let's not kid around; nobody's filling themselves up with salad on Thanksgiving.
Waldorf salad. I think you have to be at least 40, or the child of an accomplished cook, to even know what waldorf salad is.
Hawaiin coleslaw. Oh those Hawaiians and their coleslaw. I guess the roasted pig was a little too ambitious of me to ask.
Three bean salad. The gastro-intestinal works will be under enough stress, might as well throw in some beans.
Hot dog and sauerkraut salad. Beans, maybe. Hot dogs and sauerkraut? My mind is tellin me no, but my body...

Mains:

Roast turkey with trimmings. As long as by trimmings we're talking potates and stuffing we're in business.
Cajun salmon. Sure, why not, Squanto was an accomplished stream fisherman I'm sure.
Roast belly pork. I'll make an exception just because it sounds delicious. But at my house, pork gets the axe.
Brocolli with cheddar bake. This one sounds enticing and horrifying all at once. Definite warning sign.
Zucchini and corn. Nice, need to balance with some veggies. I'll take one spoonful please.
Honey baked sweet potatoes. Now we're talkin.
Fragrant rice. Really, if the Native Americans and the Pilgrims shared one love, it was fragrant rice.

Desserts:

Freshly cut fruit. Probably not going to make the cut at this stage in the meal, in favor of...
Selection of desserts and tarts. As long as there's pumpkin pie, nobody will get hurt.


This is what I'm up against in this country. But, as Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks, I'll do my best to ignore the Brit's lack of respect for a sacred (well, not technically) holiday's patented menu and come up with some things I'm thankful for.

TOP TEN THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR IN LONDON:

10. No matter how cold it is, you can always say "I bet it's colder right now in Minnesota."
9. The majority of people don't actually hate Americans. But they are a little jealous...
8. My boss's library card-I've used it to read seven books, five Shakespeare plays and four other plays.
7. Some newspapers are free and you get headlines like these from today's paper: "French women do get fat," "Hunt launched for chipmunks," "Man mugged for XBox as console goes on sale," and "Rapper 'used his hands to stop bullets.'"
6. The fact that there is a possibility you could have a conversation with a Norwegian and an Israeli at the same dinner table, all in English.
5. My iPod. I've never loved a possession this much.
4. Wireless internet. I am sitting in my room typing this, using my extremely generous roommate's laptop (I'm letting him use my alarm clock in exchange for free reign on the computer. It's fair.)
3. British class workload. So far, I've taken two tests, written one major paper and a couple short ones and given two 10-minute presentations. Oh yeah, I started later and end earlier than you do and had a week break in the middle.
2. Although there are only five television channels, they manage to show the crappiest movies at all hours of the day. I mean, the BBC showed "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey," not even their "Excellent Adventure," primetime Sunday night. Movies I've watched in the last couple weeks: "Without Malice," (starring Corey Haim), "The Long Island Incident," "Sherlock Holmes in New York," "Thunderbird 6," and last night, "Phantasm 3." Seriously, imdb these babies. And tonight it's Jean Claude Van Damme in "Streetfighter."
1. The knowledge that eventually, I will return to the United States and live out my life there. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I didn't realize (sorry, realise) how much I love America. And our buffets.

The Unspoken Universal Understanding: Ticket Scalping

I hadn't paid money to see live music in London until Monday. It was starting to bring me down a little, being in the home city of rock music and not taking advantage of it. So there I was, stalking outside the Scala, hoping to find a way into the sold out Nada Surf show. I had no idea what the scalping practices were like in London; do they even do it? Is it legal? Does anybody care? Is it possible this one-toothed man could be an undercover cop? I decided it was fairly unlikely, so my business went to him. I advised him to use the money to find himself a good oral surgeon. Originally he was asking for 35 quid for one ticket (face value was about 14). I told him it wasn't THAT hot a ticket. He gave it to me for 20.

The venue was terrific. Three tiers surrounded the stage, the uppermost looking almost directly down on the stage. It was very small (much smaller than, say, First Avenue) and had excellent sound. The show itself was good, but I've seen better; I've seen Nada Surf better actually. The trio is on tour to support their latest release, "The Weight Is A Gift," the unimpressive follow-up to one of my favorite albums of my college days, "Let Go." Perhaps I was a little unfair to them because I was disappointed with the new album, but when I saw them a couple years ago with Ozma, I remember being more satisfied. It did get me to listen to "Gift" again, so that's a plus. They did play most of "Let Go," and demonstrated that they COULD sing three-part harmony live (something they didn't do last time). It was a fun night, worth 20 squid, but I might ignore their March stop in Minneapolis.

I've learned a few things this week. For one of the first times on my trip, I had a meal that I preferred London-style to the American counterpart. Or, at least, we agreed that it was as good as what we could have gotten at a similar restaurant in the states. I can count the number of times this has happened on one hand. Now, you can't get steak pie or bangers and mash in Minnesota, so all pubs are exempt from this comparison. But if we're talking restaurants, I'm comparing you to my favorite places in the states. I've tried to hit as many different ethnicities as I can since I've been here-Indian, Lebanese, Bangladeshi, Global fusion, American, Mexican, Chinese, Thai, Italian--to name a few, and most fall short of what I expect in the U.S. It's not their fault, of course, the Brits just like things a little less flavorful. But this week, I had the best Ethiopian food I've ever had (I mean, I haven't had it much, but..) For any of you in Minneapolis/St. Paul, you need to try Ethiopian; go to a restaurant called Addis Ababa on Riverside Ave, near Augsburg. I learned a valuable lesson that night, though. Ethiopian food does not mix with "White Lightning" cider. But really, 2 litres for a pound? Ring it up, Tesco. So for any of you thinking about having Ethiopian food, don't wash it down with generic, 7.5% alcoholic cider.

What else did I learn. I learned a few words that the Brits pronounce differently, and in my opinion, much worse than the proper, American version. (Who invented this language anyway?) I'll start off gently. Say "schedule." Now say "shedule." It just doesn't work, does it? Shedule? The 'sh' combo cannot be followed by a 'du' that sounds more like a 'j.' Word number two: aluminum. How can they possibly pronounce this one, you ask? al-yoo-MIN-ium. Try saying that. It took me a few times before I actually understood what word my professor was saying. The last one I just don't get: patent. They pronounce it with a long 'a,' as in LAME. Patent doesn't sound terrible, but try patented. And make sure you emphasize both 't's. Just terrible. If you want to learn more incorrect pronunciations, check out this website.

www.peak.org/~jeremy/dictionary/ chapters/pronunciation.php

For some reason, I found myself watching the European MTV Music Awards--these are music awards, not music video awards. I don't even think they have this in the U.S. Anyway, it was hosted by some Kazakhstani man for some reason. I was barely paying attention when I heard him yell "Please enjoy...Green Day!" I started listening (I was probably eating humus and not watching) and I thought, man this is a pretty mellow Green Day tune. Maybe that was because it was COLDPLAY. Oops.

That's about all for now. I apologize for the lack of interesting material. Kristie and I took a day trip to Brighton yesterday, a city on the southern coast of England, and found--a rarity--a shopping mall. Kristie just about lost it. Good times. Then we had Bangladeshi food with an Australian, a Kiwi (New Zealander), a Norwegian, a Canadian, a Canadian who was born in Israel, and an undetermined Middle-Easterner. We talked mostly with the Norwegian about my name, lutefisk, lefse and the fact that the traditional Norwegian Christmas dinner features a rack of sheep ribs. Scary. Get this: they start preparing the ribs EIGHT MONTHS before Christmas to seal the flavor. Minnesota, may I introduce to you, your relatives!

Speaking of holidays, on Thanksgiving my school has offered us a three-course buffet at the local Holiday Inn. I'll get you the menu soon...it's pretty hilarious. Later.

RDA

To anyone in search of a death-defying, twist-turning romp of a historical action flick, I can now end your search. For this very afternoon on BBC2, I came across a movie that changed my entire perspective of the Indiana Jones genre. I am embarrassed that it took me this long to discover a film that so seemlessly mixes myth with fact, legend with historical truth, while throwing in several jaw-dropping action sequences as a kicker. It soon will supplant "Big Trouble In Little China" as the most highly regarded action flick in my DVD collection. The film? Yup, you guessed it: "MacGyver: The Lost Treasure of Atlantis," starring, of course, Richard Dean Anderson.

A few things. Did anyone know that MacGyver had a first name? Does it even matter? Well he does, and it's Angus. Angus MacGyver. I can see why they went with MacGyver as the title. And did you know that RDA was born in Minneapolis? What a local hero, where's his statue? Secondly, how can this movie possibly be airing in the middle of the afternoon on the second largest television station in all of the United Kingdom? What, they don't have civil court shows or Ellen Degeneres? COPS at the very least please.

All of this leads me to this question: Is Richard Dean Anderson the best unintentionally comedic action hero of all time? I mean, he's totally unbelievable as a macho protector (see: haircut). There's no way RDA would be able to defeat any of the villains he encounters in battle. And the escapes he concocts out of nothing are laughable at best. This guy is a regular old hick who's good with some duct tape and a monkey wrench. And his name is emblazoned in the minds of the 80s generation forever? Somewhere, the entire staff at a local AutoZone is kicking themselves.

Ok guys. I want you all to listen very carefully. What I'm about to reveal may possibly be the most profound wisdom you have ever received. If you remember one thing I've written or will ever write, let it be this segment. Gents, this next section will be arguably the key to your success in life. And ladies, this information--which has just become available to me--is worth your noting as well.

The November edition of Maxim Magazine has provided its readers with magical, previously unreleased material. And while I'm by no means a religious Maxim reader, this edition could not be ignored. Inside, they tell us some of the most sacred, protected gold-mine information in the world: 100 Things You Never Knew About Women. And be sure that there is something to be learned from each and every item, but I chose only the 10 wisest to pass on to you, along with a few comments of my own. Boys, get your pens and paper ready.

No. 96: "Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last minute gift." Oh! Jewelry! I hadn't even thought of that. Jewelry, it's just that easy.

No. 70: "Unless they're lesbians, she won't approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they're ugly. And, really, even if they're lesbians." Sorry ladies. You heard it, it's over between us all.

No. 61: "When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions." Don't even bother telling me them anymore now that I know that. I'll just let you suffer like you apparently want to.

No. 51: "Don't call her 'cute.' In her mind it's the same as 'not vomit-inducing.'" It might be difficult to change this habit.

No. 41: "If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn't mean she doesn't care about someone else's opinion." Now I'm a little concerned, this has happened to me.

No. 32: "Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they're hovering above the toilet in a squat." Wow! What amazingly thorough reporting they must have done for this feature! Now I know to cancel that reservation at the four-star hotel for our Paris trip. Actually, three girls just verified this one for me. I don't really know what to say. Maxim might actually be gaining credibility.

No. 29: "On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat." Why would they? I mean, I know I don't.

No. 26: "Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice." I really don't even know what to say about this one.

No. 17: "Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy." Phew, I was wondering if I'd made a mistake by lying all these years.

No. 11: "She likes one of your friends." Who wrote this list, Shakespeare? I guess that's probably not funny to anyone not in my Shakespeare class right now. Oh well.

As you can see, this list is pure gold. Take it and run boys. You should be able to go pretty far.

The midway point

Now that I have officially crossed the halfway point of my stay here, I would like to recap what I've learned. Also, I will give some advice to anyone considering a trip abroad--advice you won't find in any travel guide.

The food isn't great, but it isn't the worst you've ever had. I mean, when you buy an 18 pence can of soup, you get what's coming to you. Stay away from hot dogs, realize that the ketchup might taste a little different, and avoid fast food falafel at all costs. But embrace the strange flavours of potato chips. Try the local favourite items.

The beer is universally better than American beers (the ones they have on tap at bars and restaurants at least), and is reasonably priced. Until you start thinking about the exchange rate. That's another lesson--don't think about the exchange rate. You know it sucks, it won't do you any good to try to convert everything you buy into dollars. It just isn't smart.

The United States has yet to discover alcoholic cider, and it's a huge loss. Cider is cheaper, tastes delightful, and usually has enough alcoholic content to do the job. And cider/beer hybrids are amazing. If there is one thing the U.K. is still better at than the U.S., it's cider.

If there are two things, the second is public transportation. There are a dozen or so subway lines throughout London, and there are intersections all over the place. You can basically get anywhere you want with a minimum amount of walking through the tube. There are also tons of buses. Buses and taxis make up the majority of the road traffic. And it's a good thing too, because the roads here are terrible. Street names change, disappear or aren't posted. Traffic is logjammed basically all day. It might take you 2 hours to drive 40 miles. It's a mess.

British TV sucks.

It's really annoying to be unable to have one stream of warm water coming out of your faucet.

I've realized that there may not be anything worse than not being able to eat good Mexican food for four months. Load up on it before you come. It's 2 a.m. and you want a chalupa? Nah-uh, it ain't happening.

Most places close early, but you can get around it. There's usually somewhere that's open. You remember those places. If you're lost, confused, need directions or an opinion, you're going to have to approach someone. Brits avoid interaction at all costs.

After high school, I wanted to go to a big city to experience diversity. Minneapolis is ok at times, but London is as good as it gets. It is estimated that by 2010 London will become the first city in the world to have over half its population made up by ethnicities different from the city's native one. I don't really know how to put that in print, but it really is quite amazing.

This post was initially much longer, but for some reason my posts are getting deleted as I try to publish them. Therefore, this is the third time I've regurgitated this one, and I've forgotten much of what I wanted to say. Oh well.

Andiamo all'Italia!

I will now try to recount my ten-day trip through Italy. It will be impossible to tell everything, but I'll hit the high points. Also, I didn't take notes while I was there-I didn't want to be thinking about that while enjoying Italy-so I probably have forgotten most of the things I wanted to mention. But I'll try. Here's the rundown:

We flew into "Venice" on Thursday, October 20. By "Venice," Ryanair actually meant Treviso, a town about an hour northwest of Venice. Of course, it's impossible to fly into Venice itself, because Venice is an island, or rather, a group of islands. And when our hotel said it was in "Venice," it actually meant Mestre, the closest inland city to Venice. Mestre was about a 10-minute bus ride from Venice, so we had that going for us. We stayed in Venice (Mestre) for three nights, and here are some highlights:

The main attractions in Venice, as far as architecture and history go, are the Ponte Rialto (Rialto Bridge) and the Piazza di San Marco (St. Mark's Square), which has a famous basillica. If you think you've never heard of or seen the square, you're wrong. It's the one with all the pigeons. If a movie takes place in Venice, this square is where it happens. There are cafes, shops and string quartets lining the walls of the square, which is populated by 99% tourists. Our book said 70% of tourists to Venice don't get out of the square area. Anyway, the most memorable moments from the Piazza were feeding the pigeons--wait til you see the pictures--and dancing to live music at night.

Other stuff about Venice. We took a boat to the island of Murano, which is the home of Venice's world famous blown glass. It was fun walking in the first dozen blown glass shops, but after the 50th or so, it got a little boring. This is true, there is one main street on Murano, and every shop is literally exactly the same. By the way, there are no cars in Venice--there aren't even streets. The whole city is run through its canals-the taxis are boats, the buses are boats, and then of course there are the gondolas. Ah yes, gondolas.

You can't go to Venice and not take a gondola ride, can you? Well actually, you can. You see, a 50-minute gondola cruise costs 80 Euro (100 bucks). That just wasn't on the budget. In fact, everybody we talked to along our journey that had been to Venice said they didn't bother either. Instead, we took a few of the gondola taxis, which take passengers across the Grand Canal at points where there are no bridges to walk across. These journeys last about 30 seconds and cost 50 cents. That's good enough of a gondola ride.

Venice is the city of blown glass, masks and dogs. Dogs are everywhere. The streets are windy and make no sense. The city itself is about 70,000 people, and it's very crammed. You can do Venice in a day if you want.

The other two things we learned from Venice both had to do with restaurants, and were good to know for the rest of the trip. Number one: you cannot, under any circumstances, trust the English translation of a menu item. If the item says it is “bread and cheese” and you order it, at the same time pointing to a couple eating a plate of bread and cheese—sort of an appetizer, you might end up getting a grilled cheese. Apparently that’s what “bread and cheese” means in Italian. Don’t trust translations. The other thing we learned was not to try to estimate how much your meal would cost in total, because in Italy they charge you for everything, and it ain’t cheap. Most restaurants have a cover charge in the area of two Euro, a service charge of anywhere between 12-17%, and will bring you bread or offer you salad with your meal, failing to mention that it’s gonna cost you. Where does the money especially add up? Drink prices. Not uncommon to pay 3 Euro for a can of pop. And there’s no such thing as free water—you’re paying. This is how meals rapidly go from 12-15 Euro to 28-35 Euro. It’s frustrating.

After a few days, we were ready to explore Florence. Cheaper restaurants, more accessible streets, later hours of operation, our hostel was actually in the city—we had better results in Florence. Until we wandered into the Piazza Santa Maria Novella our first night. People were everywhere—I figured it was a popular place to hang out with a bottle of wine. Well, that night it was actually a popular place to hang out and watch a lunatic dangle from a construction crane, threatening to jump. We got outta there and spent the night drinking wine and eating gelato on the steps in front of the train station.

Highlights from Florence: the Duomo; a giant domed church, the Uffizi-a remarkable large collection of Renaissance art, by artists such as Da Vinci, Raphael and Boticelli. Florence also gave us some of the most spectacular views of the trip from high above the city. And the Ponte Vecchio (Old Bridge, or something like that) was bustling and romantic at night. It was in Florence where I really stretched my knowledge of Italian, haggling with merchants and bargaining at markets—good fun.

After two days in Florence, we spent a day and a half on the western coast of Italy, in a region known as Cinque Terre. Cinque Terre—“Five Terraces”—is a national park aimed to protect the terraced wine vineyards of the area. It also just happens to provide majestic views of the Atlantic Ocean. And the wine is phenomenal. Unquestionably the best afternoon of the trip was spent shoelessly climbing around the rocks and in the water while sharing a bottle of wine. Nothing like wading in the ocean in the closing days of October. Probably the coolest place I’ve visited in my life.

Rome. Well, sort of. Our “hostel” actually ended up to be a campground an hour outside of Rome. I won’t go over the details of our first night, trying to navigate through Central Rome and toward the campground, but I’ll just say it involved a train, two buses, two frantic phone calls, a little aimless walking, and a merciful employee picking us up. At midnight. Once we figured out where the heck we were and just how to get into Rome, everything worked out fine. We saw: the Spanish Steps, La Fontana di Trevi, the Pantheon, the Forum, the Coliseum and the Vatican. And more, but you’ve never heard of them. The Coliseum was absolutely amazing, and we splurged for our only guided tour of the trip, which was well worth it. The Vatican was very interesting, if not gargantuan, and Kristie managed to sneak in a few illegal pictures in the Sistine Chapel. The only frustrating thing about Rome was the terrible public transportation. After living in London, which has fantastic coverage of the city, Rome seemed far worse than it probably actually is. But in Rome, there are only two subway lines, unlike the dozen or so in London, and they only intersect once. You may be a mile from your destination, but have to take four miles worth of subway rides. And they close at 9. Not a late-night city. None of them were. But by nighttime we were so tired and our daily budgets so gone that we were happy to spend the nights in our room. Our last night in Rome was one of the more memorable, though, as we spent a few hours talking to a couple from New Zealand and Australia. They were on a seven-week journey throughout Europe, after having lived in London for a couple years (literally down the street from Kristie!!). We chatted about London, Italy, Australia, and mostly, the U.S. Hearing global perspectives from very intelligent people was refreshing and enlightening. The knowledge foreigners have of the U.S. is simply astonishing, when you consider how little we know of their cultures. They know states, cities, how our government is organized, wars, laws—they know more than some Americans, I would imagine. And they also claim that the United States is the most religious country in the world. Interesting.

The wildest day of our trip came on the final day. But I don’t have the energy to write about that now. It will be its own separate post. I hope this entry wasn’t too bland, I’m not feeling very creative, but I need to tell of these memories before I forget them. Ciao ciao.